Saturday, July 2, 2011

Been too long...

Well, it has been awhile since I have written anything...
I am finding my feelings hard to put into words, so many things have gone by since February...

James and Liam would have started high school together this year...

James would have turned 15 in April...

Brent has turned 18 in June...

I have gone back to work at Swan View...

Shane is very busy with the business...

Liam is doing really well at high school...

Brent started University...

My little brother and his wife are pregnant...

I am going to be an aunty again...

My mum and dad are healthy...

Two of my wonderful friends from PMH have had gorgeous babies...

I have a new car...

Time keeps ticking by...

My heart still hurts...

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Two Years On .........

But who is counting, every day without you James is one day too many.

We all go on, taking each day, one at a time.
Missing you so very much, that gorgeous smile, that we all seemed to catch.
That endless energy that none of us could keep up with.
The mischieveness that kept us all on our toes.
Your humour, that made us all laugh.

The way you always looked for the good in everyone.
You always ensured that everyone else was happy first.
You were the glue that kept us all together.

The fun you put into everything.
The kiss on our cheeks.
The first cuddle in the morning.

The strength you showed.

The courage you carried.

Always being positive.

Enjoying everything, every day.

Showing everyone, that is was okay.

That we should all fight for every moment we have with each other.

Love each other like there is no tomorrow.

Be there for your family.



Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas 2010


We had a lovely day with family and friends. We had Shane's brother Chris and his family and Shane's sister Sharon and her family and my mum and dad over for Christmas lunch. It was good to have something to do, to be busy, to have to clean, to organise, to entertain people and just be busy. I had my moments throughout the day, just times when I wished James could see something funny, taste something yummy, look at a present, listen to someone telling a story . . .

We all got lovely presents and the boys were spoilt as normal. I got back into sending Christmas cards this year and placed the above photo of the boys on them. We have been getting the Christmas bears for James so included them in the photo too. I got this idea from our dear friend Fiona, as she did the same for Imogen.

We all had a wonderful day, we also sent our James some yellow balloons in the afternoon, we hope that you got them our beautiful boy. Missing you here with us.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Make A Wish Porsche Day

The boys were invited to the Make A Wish Porsche day on Sunday to display the remote control electric cars. Shane and Brent jumped at the chance to give something back to a very worthwhile cause. Liam and I went along to look at all the cars, they were amazing. Very expensive and shiny. We had a wonderful morning out in the sun at the carpark in Highgate. I had lots of fun taking lots of photos and dreaming of a lotto win!!!

Thank you to Porsche Club WA for running such a wonderful event for all the Make A Wish families, there were 80 different families there on the day and 100 porsches showed up to take the families on a wonderful car ride from Hillaries to Perth. The Hyatt then put on a wonderful lunch for the drivers and the families. I am sure a good times was had by everyone.

Drool over these photos, just amazing!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010


Well, what a date yesterday.
20 months since James left us.
Liam and James are 20 months apart.
Liam is now older than his big brother James.
So weird.
It is just so surreal.
Not really knowing how to put it into words.

Liam is coming to terms with it as well.
He said to me yesterday, how do I say that James is my older brother,
when he is not older any more?

Days pass, time ticks by, but our love just seems to grow deeper.
Whether you are near or far away, you are always in my heart and mind.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

A Surprise Visit!

We were very lucky this week with a surprise visit from James, yes you read right, our James. My mum found an old camera with a film still inside. She was unable to start it and after many phone calls to find someone that could develop an old film and get it out of the camera, Mum found one in Forrestfield. They were very helpful and got the film out and sent it away to be developed. We were all holding our breath and hoping that there would be photos of James, but none of us actually said it out loud. When mum texted me, she said the photos were beautiful and that she would come around with them. I was too excited and scared to ask if there where any of James.

When mum arrived I knew that there must be some of James, just the look she gave me. They are beautiful. I have scanned them on me negative reader, but will take the negatives to a shop and have them put on cd as they can do such a better job than mine. I have included them with the blog. I feel so blessed to have this small piece of James, it is so hard to describe. I think the best way is that 'he has visited us'!

Missing you heaps my beautiful boy!!
We all love you so much.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Time after Time

Some days, time just rushes past us in a flash and before we know it, a month has gone by. Other days, time goes oh so slow. It is amazing that, when I look back over my blog pages, I see so many emotions, happy, sad, angry, loneliness and longing to see our loved ones again.

Lots have been going on since I last wrote. Brent has been through quite a bit of late, final Semester one exams, reports, turning 17 and he got his driving license today. I have been dreading this day for a while now. Knowing that Brent has come of age were he is not so dependant on me any more. It has bought about some heart tearing emotions. The worry of him driving by himself, although he is a good driver, quite relaxed, not too nervous, careful of other drivers and respectful of the power a car has. The only real worry is he has a heavy foot and sometimes drives a little too fast, but he is a teenage boy and will soon learn his lessons of speeding. Brent is such a good kid, he has a good head on his shoulders and I trust him, it is just now that he can drive himself, there are the dangers of the road, many that I can no longer have control over. I think this is what is worrying me the most, that I can not keep him safe any more, it is up to him to keep himself safe. The loss of control, his independance, knowing he can really do what he wants now. Not really having to ask my permission to go somewhere, if he wants to go and he has got petrol, well then he can drive himself. I gather over time, I will learn to live with this fear. I miss him needing me already. :(

On another lighter note, Liam is doing well, keeping himself busy on the holidays. Going over mates houses for sleep overs, going paintballing, going to the movies and just hanging around at home, relaxing as he tells me. He is growing up fast too. This is his last year in primary school, we think we have decided to go to Swan View High as there doesnt really seem to be any other high schools around that we can get into easily. His best mate is going there too so he will have someone to hang out with.

Shane is busy as normal, working very hard to get all his jobs done. He has a few lined up at the moment which is good, but also it puts the pressure on him to finish them in a timely manner. I helped him out today. He got delivered some big heavy beams to the workshop and his brother Chris wasn't there to help, so I had to give him a hand to move them into the workshop so he could start welding and assembling them into something that resembled the base of a deck. Lots of fun, not. I look at the materials that were delivered and am amazed at how he puts it all together and gets such a beautiful finished job at the end. He is truely talented.

I am still working at the local school two days a week and am still looking for some extra days or a part time position in school hours. I still feel that although the boys are getting older and don't need me as much, I want to be there for them when they come home from school, on the holidays and just whenever they might need me. I am holding onto the apron strings with both hands still, it is slipping through a little bit, but I am trying to hold on. I know I will have to let go soon, but I just can't seem to let go just yet.

Our time away from James has been 1 year and 5 months last Saturday 10 July. We all miss him soooo much, some days worse than others. I think that is why I am trying to hold on, I feel like I need another child to fill that empty space, but I know that won't fix it either. Sometimes it is just too quiet in this house, even when all the boys are home, it really is lacking James' boisterous voice and his running around with boundless energy. Some days I just feel like I have no energy to even try and put on a smile for anyone. It doesn't get easier.
I miss you James everyday.